35-year Jennifer Harrison from San Diego was surprised to learn today that she has been included on this season's Lombardi Watch List, an award typically given to college football's best lineman, linebacker as well as plumbers, electricians, your high school English teacher, and that dog over there.
Harrison said she'd never heard of the Lombardi Award, but was ecstatic about being included and wondered if "it includes a cash prize because our Keurig broke last week and it's been hell drinking instant Folgers since."
This is the first year the Award has considered a housewife. The Lombardi Award Committee included this explanation as for the inclusion of Harrison:
"We've never been that exclusive, so we decided this year, hell, why not just include everyone."
Also includes on this year's Lombardi Award Watch List:
- Corn Nation's own Greg "Hooch" Mehochko, obviously our favorite to win
- That sonofbitch Van Owen Who Blew Off Roland's Head
- The sexiest man alive - Klaus Bierbauch
- Danica Patrick because someone on the committee really really wants to meet her
- Justin Bieber, because Justin Bieber
- Everyone in Rhode Island
An old chair from Manny's Road Side Bar in Hayes, Kansas was nearly added, but a committee member told us "We thought objects might have been a reach, so we're holding off on that until next year."