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The Reads: Starting Stupid, Ending Stupid

It's your reads article, and it starts with stupid and ends with stupid.

Musician Chubby Checker sues HP and Palm over penis-measurement app | The Verge

Rock-and-roll legend Chubby Checker has apparently sued HP and Palm over a webOS app designed to calculate penis size. In a press release, attorney Willie Gary argues that Checker (aka Ernest Evans) has been caused "irreparable damage and harm" by the app, which is also called "Chubby Checker:"

I actually wasn't going to do a "reads' article today, but when I saw this, I knew I had to.

How do you top this as a way to start your Friday?

NU bowler Elise Bolton leads team with quiet strength - Daily Nebraskan

More than halfway through the season, Nebraska coach Bill Straub and sophomore Elise Bolton don’t talk much.

Don't know much about bowling, that's Brian. Are we doing well, Brian?

Huskers Head to Tucson This Weekend - - Nebraska Athletics Official Web Site

The Nebraska softball team heads to Tucson, Ariz., this weekend seeking to continue its strong start to the 2013 season. After finishing 5-0 at the Hotel Encanto Invitational in Las Cruces, N.M., last weekend, the Huskers will face five teams in three days this weekend at Hillenbrand Stadium on the campus of the University of Arizona.

Softball - starting very well. We'll see how this weekend goes.

2013 Preseason Golden Spikes Award Watch List

USA Baseball announced its preseason Golden Spikes Award Watch List on Thursday, marking the organization’s first step toward identifying the top amateur baseball player in the country.

No Huskers. Josh Dezse, Ohio State, Michael O'Neill, Michigan, and Tom Windle, Minnesota from the Big Ten.

Tossing back a 40. And giving thanks. " College Baseball Today

Eric Sorenson is one of the nation's best college baseball writers. In this one, he has not only the worst line up of beer ever assembled, but gives thanks for a whole lot of things before the season starts.

Maryland's baseball batting helmets are awesome, crazy, Pride-y - Testudo Times

Terps baseball unveils new Pride look just ahead of season opener. Good lord these are ugly. It's like they want to make their heads a target.

2013 Big Ten football preview: The wide receivers : Gamedayr

Preview of the Big Ten wide receivers for the 2013 college football season. Who is going to be the best wideout in the league next season?


Column - Finally, a Punishment That Fits the Crime -

Ejecting players on the spot for using their helmets to target opponents in college football is such a sensible idea that it's hard to believe the NCAA proposed it first.

This is by the AP, not Ed Cunningham.

Bill Callahan: It doesn’t matter who calls plays | ProFootballTalk

Callahan did his best to downplay any potential tension in the topic, parroting much of what Garrett said about the play calls being a team effort.

I'll just leave this right here and y'all can make your own comments about it.

Reuben Foster photographed sleeping while standing, Tiger Droppings responds -

Reuben Foster is already the most spectacular member of the 2013 freshman class.

Memes just happen, and this one is a hilarious one that you need to know about.

Bond revoked in Auburn tree poisoning case - College Football -

Officers hand-cuffed Harvey Updyke and took him to jail after the ruling by Circuit Judge Jacob A. Walker III in Opelika. Walker said he would review any additional evidence from the defense and could order Updyke's release later.

You'd think that Harvey the Tree Killer would have learned a lesson, but apparently it's going to take going to jail.

That time a cow won Miss Auburn | The War Eagle Reader

One year, Miss Auburn was a real heifer–a prize-winning Holstein to be exact.

I started with stupid, and I'm ending with stupid.