Massive Simulator Projects Jeremiah Sirles As Most Important Husker Offensive Player

Some guy who knows more about math than you'll ever know in 236 lifetimes (or 32 if you're Salt) has created a thingie where he's run predictions on the 2012 college football season 50,000 times.

That's 50,000 times. That's a lot of data points and therefore it can't be wrong. Plus, if it was, how would you point that out? You are not smart. You cannot make this go.

Here's the results of that dude's massive simulations. The Big Ten portion of the Prediction Machine's predictions shows Michigan at #1, Ohio State at #2, Wisconsin at #3, and Nebraska at #4.

Nebraska ends up in the Capital One Bowl against the Georgia Bulldogs, and our season is reduced to the following in a nutshell:

Nebraska Cornhuskers
Power Rank: 24
Offensive Rank: 29
Defensive Rank: 21
Projected Regular Season Record: 8.4 - 3.6
Conference Standing: 4
Projected Bowl: Capital One
Biggest Strength: Run Offense
Greatest Weakness: Pass Offense
Most Important Offensive Player: Jeremiah Sirles
Most Important Defensive Player: P.J. Smith
Breakout Candidate: Zaire Anderson

And why, pray tell, is Nebraska at #4?

OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE TAYLOR MARTINEZ.

And why is Michigan at #1?

OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE DENARD ROBINSON.

I hate mathematicites. They're almost as bad as economists.