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Application for College Football Playoff Selection Committee

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This guy needs a new job. Maybe he wants to apply?
This guy needs a new job. Maybe he wants to apply?

There has been a lot of talk recently about a selection committee determining who gets to be a part of a potential four-team playoff field for college football. This includes former coaches who are standing up to volunteer for this job. So I decided that I would help the NCAA and conference commissioners by finding people to be members of this committee. Below is a job application that anyone can fill out and I will review them and select the most worthy people. Simply answer the questions below in a comment and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Oh, and, if you don't hear from me by the end of the month, I appreciate your application.

Question 1: Do you like college football? You may skip this question if you are a fan of the ACC or Big East.

Question 2: Would you be willing to watch 9 hours of college football every Saturday? People from Birmingham, Alabama do not need to answer this question.

Question 3: Would you be willing, when necessary, to watch college football on Thursday, Friday, or a Monday evening? We prefer applicants that have a life on Friday nights and will potentially miss any game played on that evening as the important games are played on Saturday.

Question 4: The position pays $250,000 for a job that requires about 15 hours a week for four months a year. Long-term memory problems are preferred. You are entitled to forget everything that occurred in the month of September as the only real games that matter are played in November and on CBS. Is this compensation ok with you? There is a buyout clause of $10 million if we decide to ever terminate you.

Question 5: What would be the likelyhood that you would watch college football with your friends. If any of your friends are Big East or Mountain West fans, please list their names and contact information below.

Question 6: Alcohol could potentially influence how you view a game. Would you be drinking during any of the contests? Danny Dan Juice is exempt.

Question 7: What's your favorite college team? What is the conference you follow the most? If the conference (or school in the conference) is not either Big XII, SEC, PAC-12 or B1G please be prepared to explain yourself.

Question 8: Media outlets can greatly influence people into thinking one conference or school is better than the rest. If you watch any media outlet besides ESPN or CBS, please list it here. Certain networks may disqualify you from this position.

Question 9: Do you know what Strength of Schedule is? We prefer that you don't as some schools are unable to schedule quality out of conference opponents and are stuck playing the local high schools.

Question 10: Would you be willing to disclose why you chose the schools you did? We recommend to our applications to always use the line "power conferences" when reasoning.

Question 11: Are you ok with selecting two or more teams from the same conference? What I mean by a "conference" is the Big XII, SEC, PAC-12, and B1G.

Question 12: Are you ok with taking orders from a superior? There's potentially a lot of money at stake here, which is why I'm going to pay you so well. If I were to make any hint-hint, nundge-nudge's would you listen to me?

Question 13: Finally, tell me why you want this job? What are your qualifications that make you the best applicant available?