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College Football Recruiting - We All Hope The Primates Like Red

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Honestly, I hate this week. At least I think it's this week - National Signing Day, right? Coming up in the next couple days, yes?

There's a fair amount of pressure on us here at CN to cover recruiting. According to SB Nation's head recruiting dude, Bud Elliott, National Signing Day is one of the biggest traffic days of the year, so of course we have to join in the mix and cover recruiting the Huskers.

It just seems bizarre to me that we're slobbering over young men, for crying out loud, young men who haven't yet finished high school, who haven't a clue about what they want out of life. Teenagers - you know, the beings that when you ask them to take out the trash respond with "Why Do I Have To DO EVERYTHING?" - if you're lucky, or more typically that man-boy-grunt that you learn to interpret only because you're a parent and it's your job to move them from being primates to fully functional adult human beings.

You know that's not an exaggeration, especially if you're raising one. If you're not raising one, you're probably in denial that you were ever that way when you were a teenager, unless you're female, then you are in denial about the fact that you actually liked the way they smelled (you might fondly think of it as "musk" when really it should be termed "wet gorilla", which is an insult to gorillas), and you're especially in denial that you liked them because they were mostly the same, packs of wet, grunting gorillas, walking around seeking only one thing but with not a clue as to how to get it, yet constantly telling everyone else in their pack that they get it all the time.

What I find most astonishing about recruiting is the implicit insistence by recruiting fans that the choices these primates make has anything to do with common sense or reality. Do you realize how many of these beasts have yet to pay taxes? How, then, can it be claimed that they know anything about the world in which they live?

"He's mature for his age" can be interpreted that the primate of choice can use 10 or 20 words, some of which he can string together in a sentence and by sentence I mean it includes a verb and a noun. For this he is congratulated and somehow projected to play earlier than the other primates.

The best of the primates will have several hats placed before them, pick one and place it upon their heads. Perhaps it will be because the hat has a bird on it - who doesn't like chicken? Or perhaps one hat is shinier than the others, or another is, reflecting the hope of all Husker fans, red.

I am thankful we have Andy covering recruiting because I really want nothing to do with it. Andy will be having a signing day thread here at CN, and while I may bitch about it, I'll probably be paying attention to who commits to Nebraska just because, well, I guess I'm just as creepy about teen age primates who may like red just as the lot of you these days.

Truth be told, I have had to deal with recruiting, as the past four years I was responsible for getting the photos of recruits for our Cornhusker Kickoff yearbook. In doing so I had the opportunity to talk to a fair number of high school coaches and parents of Nebraska recruits, although those conversations happened after the kids had already selected the Huskers as their destination. The process wasn't nearly as distasteful as I thought it would be, in fact, I rather enjoyed it. The coaches typically had nothing but good things to say about their athletes, while parents - well, it might be said that most parents will never see anything but their children as angels capable of no wrong, but I can tell you that as a parent of teenagers I take delight in small things that my primates have accomplished, as in "Good God, he showered TWICE this week!" - which you should take to understand that the bar has been set incredibly low. It should be understandable that parents see no wrongdoing when we're focused on the little baby steps one must take to way to maturity.

National Signing Day approaches. Be that it keep your head from exploding, I hope that it is a great day for the color red.

PS, I do have to thank Husker Mike for pulling more than his share of the CN weight lately. I have written nothing worth reading for a while now. I'm hoping to correct that in the next couple of weeks. After signing day has finished, that is.