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2011 Week 1 BCS Review...Corn Nation Style

The weekly BCS review will become a staple once those standings start being released. However, after having been assigned it, I realized I have the patience of an 3-year-old incontinent chimp on meth, so my own unofficial BCS review starts now if that's OK with everyone.

Let's get to the Week 1 rankings, shall we? Utah St, you were THIS close to making the list. Thanks for reminding America that the prevent defense only prevents the unders & colossal upsets.


That's right America, we're back!! BOHICA baby, bend over here it co-
(Okay, fine, I won't...)

#1 LSU

Winning what was easily week 1's biggest game vaults the Bayou Bengals to the top of the list. Oregon continues a trend of slow starts under Kelly.

#2 Boise State

Don't get used to it. Boise gets the boost to #2 for being the other top 10 team to play a real game out of the gate. After pushing Mark Richt and the inept Mike Bobo a step closer to the bread line, the Broncos will enjoy a short time near the top then drop like a rock. The Bronco battle cry is in effect once again "WE BEAT A RANKED TEAM!!! YEAHHH!!! (Now please ignore the rest of our schedule.)"

#3 Baylor

Defeats #14 TCU in a shootout for the ages. RG III gets to show his stuff on the national stage, but unfortunately this will also be a short stay as Baylor headlines will soon be dominated by lawsuit stories as Ken Starr reminds the country what a truly inept legal mind he really is.

He is the bump in Baylor's long road of irrelevance.

#4 South Florida

OK, as most anyone who doesn't become semi-erect at the sight of gold helmets and Rudy DVD cases will tell you, watching dopey writers and coaches rank Notre Dame at the beginning of every season is becoming as much a tradition as Halloween or CT beating up a roommate on The Challenge. It's not that great a victory, but here's to South Florida for handing the Irish the 1st of 5-7 losses.

Suck like a champion today.

#5-#8 Wisconsin, Stanford, Oklahoma, Vick Tech

Gave their cupcake opponents the American History X curb treatment courtesy of Ed Norton. Looked solid in the face of no competition whatsoever.

#9-#15 Nebraska, Okie State, Alabama, Oklahoma, Florida St., South Carolina, Arkansaw

The scores looked fine, but there might be an issue or two. Think Dazed & Confused when Adam Goldberg lands an ineffectual punch on the bully before getting his ass handed to him in front of everyone.

#16 Oregon

Should rise again with no more SEC teams on the schedule. Please take Georgia's uniforms back to Eugene with you. That smell coming from the box is gallons of piss that Bulldog and many other football fans soaked them with as a way of expressing our opinion.

Phil Knight - please resist the urge to do this to teams that actually have identities.