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Miami Trades Football Program For Free Sex, Drinks, Cash

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Oh, those Miami Hurricanes. It's not that you knew they were dirty. It's just how incredibly dirty they were - how the acts of utter stupidity keep going until you know they're going to set a new standard for how incredibly rotten a program can be. 

Just like a Hollywood movie (NO IT'S NOT THEY WOULDN'T HAVE THE BALLS TO WRITE THIS), a booster who's also been found guilty of a nearly billion dollar ponzi scheme gave players money, hookers (FOOTBALL PLAYERS SO LAME THEY NEEDED TO PAY FOR SEX?), access to night clubs, yachts, agents, and Donna Shalala (YES, DONNA SHALALA!). 

I'm not here to gloat (YES! I! AM!), but the fact that it's the University of Miami Hurricanes should come as no shock to any Husker fan anywhere, ever (OK, MAYBE BEFORE 1982). 

So many questions.... so many... so extensive... but the one that comes to mind is - Is there anything, anything at all, that Miami can do to themselves to save their football program (HUMAN SACRIFICE WE PRESENT YOU DONNA SHALALA'S HEAD ON A STICK) from complete destruction.

I realize the NCAA doesn't want to use the death penalty again after SMU, but if this isn't worthy, then nothing is and nothing will be ever again.... okay, maybe if an entire football team went on a serial killing streak of girl scouts and nuns then weren't convicted because of a biased jury (WHICH COULD ONLY HAPPEN IN SEC COUNTRY). 

One thing is certain - if the NCAA had any second thoughts about implementing tougher NCAA penalties, they sure as hell don't have them now. (ALL THE OHIO STATE FANS WISH TO SEND 'CANES FANS CARDS AND PRESENTS IF ONLY THEY COULD FIND THEM THE FICKLE BASTARDS THAT THEY ARE.)