Tom Osborne - what a guy. Think about how much this dude must work. All those coaches. All those student athletes. All those events. There's no escape for Tom - a man instantly recognized by Husker fans everywhere he goes.
It's especially bad this time of year when everyone is trying to one-up each other with Christmas cards. And what better way to do that than pose with Tom Osborne and pretend he's part of your family. The requests get out of hand.
That's why TO goes incognito this time of year.
Put that visor down, Tom, and you can walk around Lincoln free as a bird... at least for a few days.
It's all fun and games until Bo remembers the play calling against Wisconsin! 13 passes in a row? It's enough to drive Pelini into a rage, which is why Tim Beck keeps a small child next to him at all times.
Next year I hear the athletic department is planning a fundraiser where you can pay to have your small child protect Tim Beck for a week.
"Junior Offensive Coordinator" is the working title for the program - don't be fooled or your small child could end up with a divot.
Our new defensive coordinator John Papuchis rocks out Christmas in a sweater that was given to him by his whacky uncle Matt who bought it at the KG Men's store at the mall in North Platte in 1979.
While John is excited about his new position as defensive coordinator ("Hey Mom, I got a promotion! What'd YOU get me for Christmas?"), the season is a time of sadness since John hasn't spoken to his favorite uncle in the past five years.
Matt is still angry after John after he rescued "Cheese Ball" from Matt after he tried to put him in a blender while screaming "Cat Juice! Who wants some! Goes great with cheap vodka!"
Meanwhile, Cheese Ball is in kittie counseling, trying to shake the idea that everyone, even John, is out to get him.
One message for Matt from us at CN - cat juice does go great with cheap vodka, but you have to take the fur off first, dumbass.
John Cook - a man who must constantly be reminded that if it has jello in it, it's not a salad.
Ron Brown would like to remind you that Christmas is about the birth of our savior Jesus Christ, and this year he's doing it in an outfit that was personally given to him by Bill Cosby.
Ron does a lot of outreach work around Christmas, but unfortunately, no one CAN HEAR ANYTHING HE SAYS WHEN HE'S WEARING THAT DAMNED COSBY SWEATER. Take a hint, Ron. maybe you should turn it down a little, buddy.
You wouldn't know it, but our two basketball coaches are great friends.... except that it's killing Doc that he can't get Connie to see a fashion consultant. Seriously, that sweater with that, uh... is that a skirt? What is that? (It was the talk of the athletic department's Christmas party.)
"Better fashion for Connie" - Doc has stated it's his goals for next year.
That and the entire athletic department would like him to convince her that walking around singing "I've got a brand new pair of roller skates, you've got a brand new key" is going to get her killed if she keeps it up in 2012.
(Oh, and don't worry about the goat. It's not real. It's a plastic goat that was stolen from a Lincoln nativity scene.)
He's no longer on the Husker staff, but Carl Pelini still wants you to remember him. Oh, boy does he want you to remember him, especially in your dreams.
Carl just wanted to say "HO HO HO" to you and noted that it's a lot warmer in Florida.
He and Mr. Squiggles are very happy in their new location and hope that you get everything you desire for Christmas. And then some.