Mike: This weekend seems to be almost completely filled with bad matchups. Note I said "almost". Three B1G games have 4 score point spreads. Only 1 Big XII matchup is under 10 points. But then there's a little game in the Esssss-Eeeeeeeeeee-Ceeeeeeeee.
Andy: South Carolina/Arkansas might be the most forgotten top ten match-up in awhile. The Pigs are #7, the Dicks are #9 and nobody outside of those two immediate-family dating-challenged states could care less.
Aaron: Andy, the worst part about it is that one of those two teams will win and then they will claim to be the third best team in the country that could take any other conference champion down.
Michigan (-4) at Iowa
Andy: The Fire Ferentz train picks up momentum after a horrifying loss to Minnesota. However, it's about time for the annual Wolverine swoon. Michigan, meet Mr. Hyde. Iowa 31 Mich 21
Aaron: The jury is still out on Michigan IMO. Like Michigan State, they haven't looked great on the road. Then again, Iowa is exactly impressing anyone either. If they win, though, they will have won three in a row against Michigan for the first time ever. As much as I'd like to see the Hawkeyes win this one, I think Michigan pulls out the win and keeps marching. Michigan 35, Iowa 24.
Mike: Like I said last weekend, Iowa loses a couple of games they shouldn't each season, and likewise wins one they shouldn't. This is the "shouldn't win". Squawkeyes 24, Weasels 21
Jon: I would guess that most Meechegan men are happy with Brady Hoke's first year. On the other side of the field, most Iowegians are wondering what they're really getting out of Kirk Ferentz. Iowa is not a good football team. They're 76th nationally in total defense. Michigan, OTOH is 27th (!). Unless Denard Robinson completely self-destructs, I don't see Iowa winning this. They're just a lousy, disinterested team. Plus, a Wolverine would so kill a Hawk... eye. Michigan 31, Iowa 17
Kansas (+14) at Iowa State
Andy: And speaking of coaches on the hot seat... Sorry, Turner, ISU is due for a letdown after running through Texas Tech last week. But the sad truth of it is, Kansas just sucks. I know that both Turner and Mickey from "Rocky" believe that women weaken legs. But, brother, a fleet of Vegas' finest high end prostitutes unleashed on the Jayhawks won't screw their minds right enough at this point. ISU 28 KU 7
Aaron: That rule Turner has about "no women after ten" or whatever has really castrated the Kansas football team. You can't do that to guys. Good football teams need to feel empowered, not submissive. As it is, the Jayhawks should easily submit to Iowa State's will this weekend. Crazy that the Clones are 14 point favorites, but they should easily be able to cover that. Iowa State 52, Kansas 17.
Mike: Just because Iowa State blew out Texas Tech last week doesn't mean they can do it again. Oh wait, this is Kansas. And this Jared Barrett might be the real thing. Clones 28, Beakers 10
Jon: Iowa State wins at home, easily because Kansas, man, WTF is going on down there? Will Gill get another season? I'd fire his ass if I was the AD, and I love the man. MAKE PROGRESS, Turner damnnit! Iowa State 35, Kansas 14
Texas Tech (+12.5) at Texas
Andy: Texas Tech is in the middle of brutal stretch with the OU upset being the lone bright spot. Granted, Austin is not a very tough home crowd to play in front of, but I'm betting the Red Raiders are a little banged up right now. I want to pick them for telling ESPN & The Longhorn network to go screw their collective selves over the attempted forced televising of this game, but I can't. Texas 31 Texas Tech 24
Aaron: Texas has done what they were suppose to this year. Beat the teams they should and lose to the cream of the crop. Texas Tech is one of those teams they are suppose to beat. Especially after last weekends game against Iowa State. Texas 42, Texas Tech 24
Mike: Feast or famine is the story of Texas Tech this season...and Texas has been muddling. So it only makes sense that... Tech 31, Bovines 25
Jon: Mike stuck this here just so we had to pick against Texas, or at least that's what I'm thinking. Texas still can't run the ball, at least against normal teams, but Tech's defense is just bloody awful. Hate to say it, but the Longhorns are more consistent than the Red Raiders, and that wins this game as Texas runs the ball more effectively than normal. And I have some beef. Texas 35, Texas Tech 21
Texas A&M (+13.5) at Oklahoma
Andy: Don't despair, aTm fans. At least Jughead Nation won't have to suffer through the agony and heartache of another blown lead choke job. OU 45 aTm 21
Aaron: Yea, I don't even see this one as being close. A&M always has high expectations, but rarely lives up to them. OU 52, A&M 17.
Mike: This week, the second half collapse could be breathtaking. OU 63, A&M 21
Jon: What Andy said. Other than the big one, this weekend really does suck. A lot. Oklahoma 834, Texas A&M 2.5
Oregon (-16.5) at Washington
Andy: I'd for this to be a huge upset that strengthens our schedule in outsiders' eyes. But Washington takes runner-up honors at this track meet. Ducks 56 Wash 27
Aaron: It's a trap game! It's a trap game! No. It's not. Oregon 55, Washington 21.
Mike: Oregon is the best one loss team in the country. And Washington will probably be one of the best three-loss teams in the country. Oregon 49, UDub 24
Jon: Washington's defense was bloody awful against Stanford. Oregon lost to another SEC team, though, and that's just the end of the season for them. That's too bad, but can you imagine being the team that has to play them in the BCS? Lordie, I hope that's us, but kind of, not really. Oregon Peking Ducks 45, Washington Animals That Could Be Used in An Asian Recipe 31
Missouri (+2.5) at Baylor
Andy: This just feels like RG3's night. However, the miserable Baylor D probably has Art Briles thinking about playing him both ways. Hahaha, I'm just kidding, of course. Art Briles doesn't give a shit about defense. Baylor 62 Missouri 56 3 OT's
Aaron: Baylor has been a huge disappointment this season. Both schools need this to help get to bowl eligibility and I'm thinking that MIssouri's defense will be able to hold RGIII down just enough for the offense to eek out a victory.
Mike: Imagine you are a Missouri fan. And you realize that you are an underdog to Baylor. And that you probably need to win this game to get a winning record in the regular season. Oh, and you have to play RG3 again. And even worse, Baylor knows they need to win this game to become bowl eligible. Baylor 31, Mizery 28
Jon: Sometimes when I'm wondering about whether to pick one team or another, I think about the mascots. Who would win in a fight between a tiger and a bear? I mean, you gotta give it to the tiger for agility and speed, right? But bears, even not huge bears, are incredibly resilient creatures, so maybe if a tiger hit them two, three times, the bear could still get it's giant paws and teeth on the tiger and kill it. So, it really seems like a draw.
Maybe it if were different. Let's say the Baylor Bears called themselves the "Triscuits". Then the tigers would easily kill them. Eat them right up. But what if things changed and Missouri called themselves "The Ritz Crackers". Then we're right back at it again - "Ritz Crackers vs Triscuits". I would so pick Triscuits because they're just awesome with pickled jalapenos. Sometimes I eat a whole box with jalapenos on them, which is worse the next day than being hungover, and I am not even making that up. Baylor Triscuits 45, Missouri Ritz Crackers 31
LSU (+5) at Alabama
Andy: Enough said, let's get it on. LSU 20 Alabama 17
Aaron: I've been saying LSU all season. Alabama has looked great, but I won't pick against the tigers until they actually lose. LSU 21, Alabama 16
Mike: Alabama's defense might be better, but LSU is the better team. LSU 21, Bama 20.
Jon: It's like they (ESPN!) purposefully set up this weekend so that no one else would give a damn about any other game. You have the #1 defense in the nation (‘Bama) against the #4 defense (well not really because defenses don't actually play each other but you get the idea, you wheat thins loving bastards). You have the 22nd best offense in the nation (‘Bama) against the 81st offense (well not really because the offenses don't play each other. Have you ever had those swiss cheese flavored Cheese Its? Wow. They are really good.). I always think the home team must be heavily favored in games like this because they're so apt to... well, you know, slip the refs some flavor-blasted Nacho Goldfish crackers for life and get the calls. ‘Cause that's the South, y'all, they're full of cheating bastards.
These teams are so far ahead of most of the rest of college football, it's like their coaches have a contract with Satan. Given the two teams, I have to go with LSU, even though something tells me that 'Bama will win this game and another national title. LSU 21, Alabama 20
Northwestern (+17) at Nebraska
Andy: After Cameron Meredith removes it personally, drawing a 15 yard unsportsmanlike penalty in the process, Bo tacks Dan Persa's Achilles tendon on the locker room wall next to Colt McCoy's spleen and Chad May's hymen. Nebraska 48 NWU 22
Aaron: Game of the week here. Huskers lost a lot of tradition in the move to the Big Ten but one will continue. Annual domination of the purple Wildcats. Nebraska 45, Northwestern 24.
Mike: Andy, don't you mean Chris Simms spleen? Huskers 38, NW 17
Jon: Colt McCoy, Chris Simms.... what's the difference, although that I've heard spleens go well with plan old Saltines.
If you have any questions about how Nebraska has progressed this season - look at this, from @BTNSTatsguy on twitter:
Points allowed in order in last four games: 48, 27, 14, 3. Yards allowed: 486, 351, 254 and 187.
That's just bloody amazing. I don't know if Nebraska can get a shut out, but I expect that the Wildcats don't score nearly as much as they think they will. I think I'll get some cheese curds before this game. Or make fried rice. Alf always wanted cat juice, remember that? Ha, that guy! Nebraska 56, Northwestern 14