The Corn Nation BCS Review - Week 13 - aka WTF??

Iowa St. 37  #2 Oklahoma St. 31
USC 38  #4 Oregon 35
#22 Baylor 45  #5 Oklahoma 38
NC State 37  #7 Clemson 13

A busy weekend found me unable to watch very much football. I caught the second half of Okie State's meltdown in Ames from a barstool, three or four plays of Nebraska/Michigan while scurrying around the rink and the last play of Baylor/Oklahoma later that night while doing the same. What a day to be unable to pin one's self to the screen, huh?

So with all the upsets, rankings musical chairs and power drinking in the state of Oklahoma, what did it all really mean in the end?

Probably nothing.

At the end of the day (God, how I've longed for an excuse to use that phrase), the pre-ordained rematch is still a go. Even though the Tide had LSU in a night game on their own hillbilly rage-infested turf and ended the night with six points on the board and some weak justifications that "kickers shouldn't decide the game", the odds are strong that they will get to sit idly by (sorry, Auburn, you suck) and prepare for another go at the Tigers on January 9th. LSU's reward for winning out is an SEC title match against a salty Georgia squad that's won 10 in a row, albeit against low and unranked foes, but 10 in a row is 10 in a row.

So what of all the mess above?

Okie State - They were truly our last shot at avoiding the above replay which will come complete with a Pick 'Em line and an over/under of 22.5. No one truly expected them to run the table, but I dare an honest man to say he saw the Cyclones coming. Yes, OSU/LSU would just have a been another dismantling of a midwestern spread offense by a much faster SEC defense, but still.

Oregon - Probably had maxed out anyway when the defeat of Stanford didn't earn them the jump to #3.

Oklahoma - We'll never know for sure, but combined with the Cowboy loss, this might have been devastating. A defeat of an OSU squad with which the computers are beyond infatuated (more on this in a minute) could very well have launched the Sooners into the #2 slot. I'm dead serious.

Clemson - OK, I admit it, this loss had no effect on anything other that a top ten team was upset. I was just trying to make the list longer, I admit it.

OK, on to this week's contenders:

UNDISPUTED

#1 LSU

Dismantled an Ole Miss squad coming off consecutive losses to Kentucky and La Tech 52-3. Wow. If anyone sees Houston Nutt's Cessna circling the York landing field again, shoot that fucker out of the sky with a shoulder mounted SAM. LSU has #3 Arkansas and and an SEC title game with Georgia left. Georgia's probably the tougher of the two, but neither are in LSU's league this year. I will attempt to throw one last wrench into the BCS by tossing out the following jinx - LSU will win both of these games easily.

SIPPING PINA COLADAS UNDER A PALM

#2 Alabama

The Tide showed up for the Georgia Southern game in body only giving up 342 yards and 21 points to the feisty Eagles. I can guarantee Nick Saban was secretly pleased as he now gets to spend this week berating his squad for their lackluster effort thus working them into a frenzy for the Iron Bowl. As if they weren't red-assed enough already at the Tigers for outspending them on the talent necessary to procure last year's comeback. Bama should win this about 55-3 and then commence to hibernatin'. They're in.

WHO THE HELL ARE THEY & HOW THE HELL DID THEY GET THIS HIGH?

#3 Arkansas

This could honestly be the worst non-Western scrub conference #3 team in history. Media are certainly trying to shake America into believing that this #1 vs. #3 tilt will actually be a game, but Arkansas basically has a nice win over South Carolina and that's it. Wins over ranked-at-the-time aTm and Auburn have proven not so impressive. And they were soundly routed by 24 in Tuscaloosa by the Tide. The rest of their SEC and non-con schedule was about as imposing as the guys Stallone was knocking through the ropes during the "Eye of the Tiger" montage leading off Rocky III. Uncork a tall bottle of 'shine, Little Rockians. Being this close to a title game only to get clubbed like a seal will require some homemade medication.

THOSE CYCLONES ARE SOME BAD M***********S!

#4 Okie State

OK, this is not just bordering on ridiculous anymore, it's blown full force right through the door. Billy Bob and Angelina toddling about with those silly blood vials around their necks made more sense than the BCS computers do at this point. Alabama owns wins over Penn St and Arkansas and their only loss is by 3 to the #1 team in the country. The Fightin' T-Boone's lone win over a ranked team is against Kansas St. and their loss is to the gritty, but unranked Cyclones, who the week before shook the world by surviving 13-10 against pathetic Kansas.

Five of the six BCS computers rank the Cowboys #2 in the country. I wish I was making this up.

Quite simply, goofy programming is simply no longer a believable excuse. Either the basset-jowled Mr. Pickens has procured an Elisha Cuthbert look-alike prostitute to reverse cowgirl some Taiwanese exchange student of the master hacker variety into online "manipulations" of the standings or he's simply buying a bunch of the bastards off. Option one is probably cheaper and involves Elisha Cuthbert, so let's go with that.

#5 - #25

...are no longer relevant to the BCS discussion. (except for who's playing for what flower, fruit, confection or Mexican party)

#21 Nebraska

Does anyone else think the reason they're keeping that Iowa-Nebraska trophy under wraps is because it's even sillier than the first?

See you next week...