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Harvey Perlman Saves America While Guarding the BCS Against Playoff Supporters

College football fans want a playoff. Or so we're told by media pundits who say they want a playoff but are really being backed by hard-line commie pinkos who want to destroy the one damned good thing that America still has going for it - the college bowl system and the Bowl Championship Series.

Harvey stands true to defend the chaos... er... tradition that is major college football. Don't listen to those who favor a playoff. They only seek to take the grand tradition and make it the same as every other major sport, furthering the blanding of America, seeking to marginalize America by celebrating mediocrity and averageness the same way in which they favor a sixth-grade graduation. 

Do Div-II and Div-III have a playoff? Of course they do! Does anyone care except when they're being used to make a case for having a playoff for Div-IA? NO! 

Taking over at a time when things appear darkest for the BCS, Harvey Perlman stands ready, freezing his adversaries in place as they ponder Perlman's dry statements trying to determine whether or not he's just made a joke. Put him in front of a Senate Committee and he'll handle it with ease with his uncanny ability to keep a straight face no matter what he's selling at any moment.

He's not a whimpy pansy man like former Nebraska Chancellor Graham Spanier. Put him in front of a Senate Committee (or a bunch of Girl Scouts for that matter) and he'd fall over in a fetal position in less than five minutes, signing documents allowing every college football playoff game to be played in Austin, Texas for the next 20 years.

So, BCS supporters, you can rest easy at night knowing that Nebraska's own Harvey Perlman is there to defend your favorite sport and all the chaos... tradition that goes along with it. Let those that favor boredom and playoffs (could that be redundant? Yes!) start watching more NFL games or attending Division II football games if only so that they learn more about how that playoff selection process works.

Corn Nation salutes you, Harvey Perlman! Defend the BCS!