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It's Okay To Hate Missouri even for the "Greatest Fans in College Football"

Whooeeee! Thank God for a bye week! Don't know about y'all but I need a break.... well, more precisely my arm needs a rest as it feels sprained from patting myself on the back after all those accolades from opposing fan bases for being one of "college football's greatest fans". If this level of worship had kept up I may have developed difficultly in lifting my elbow above my shoulder, potentially a serious problem considering all the beer drinking required as the season continues. 

The "300th" celebration ended with perfect timing - right before Big 12 conference play. It was easy to give and get worship from opponents we'll play once and never see again, just like it's easy to be nice to complete strangers - as Kris Kristofferson put it in song years ago because  "strangers are so easily forgotten".

It gets a bit tougher (impossible?) to be nice and warm to other Big 12 fan bases, especially since they've stolen our joy at one point or another. Perhaps we should try it though. Missouri could start the trend - when Husker fans travel to Columbia this week, they could be all jolly and loving, happy to see us just like when you first arrive at home for the Christmas Holidays. Husker fans could respond by writing letters to the university newspaper about how wonderful Tigers fans were and then we could do the same for them next season. 

It would be a lovefest between Tigers and Huskers fans, probably change the world. Norman Rockwell would rise from the grave to paint the picture. Coke could make another smarmy commercial. 


Do either set of fans really want that? I certainly hope not. It would remove a lot of enjoyment that people like me take from these games. That enjoyment comes in the form of 'sports hate', which is different than real hate. Real hate is bad because it affects people's lives beyond sports in a very negative way. It's real hate that leads people to treat each other as subhuman, get into fights and generally destroy the entertainment value at sporting events. 

Sports hate is to be expected, sometimes (as we are this week) encouraged. If you have a problem distinguishing between real hate and sports hate, here's the key - maintain a sense of humor, specifically the ability to laugh at yourself. If you take Husker football too seriously and can't handle jibes coming from opponents I'd recommend you stay out of the conversation. Hell, maybe you should even stay away from the games. Everyone will be better off, including you. 

At it's best, sports hate should be either consistent or creative, preferably both. As an example, our buddy AJ the Husker H8er fired the first salvo at Husker fans earlier this week. I've broken it down as it applies to me personally:

Rot in hell you arrogant, toothless, straw-hat wearing, Ricky Skaggs listening, John Deere driving, Adrian Fiala worshiping, gum chomping, balloon releasing, tunnel walk obsessing, delusional illiterate f*ckheads.

Rot in hell - a great way to start an insult. You can't go wrong here unless you're directing it at a member of the clergy. Then you're just being dumb. 

Arrogant - GUILTY! I run a web site and subject the world to my views. You could try not to read it but you can't help it can you!!!!???? Arrogance, oh yeah, that's me.

Toothless - Uh, No, but they're permanently stained yellow from too much American beer.

Straw-hat wearing - I have to believe he's referring to Cowboy hats and not Tom Sawyer hats, which, of course, would be more Missourian. I own neither, although in college I had a "panama jack" hat I wore to games.

Ricky Skaggs listening - uh, no. Maybe he's referring to urbanite country lovers. I prefer that old twangy real country (ala Kris Kristofferson above) like Hank Williams, Hank Thompson. 

John Deere driving - This is an insult? 

Adrian Fiala worshiping - in talking to people, I'm not sure there are a lot of us that worship Adrian Fiala. Maybe tolerate him. Worship, no. Still..... 

Gum chomping - must be referring to Pelini on the sidelines during games because I chew cigars when I write. Pelini is really working that stuff, ain't he?

Balloon releasing - GUILTY!

Tunnel walk obsessing - GUILTY!

Delusional - GUILTY! 

Illiterate - uh, not so much.

F*ckhead - GUILTY..... close, but my nickname is normally *sshole. 

You'll see that AJ actually scores pretty well. Not bad. 

I hate Missouri. I do. Their last quarterback was a chubby booger-eatin' loudmoth who claimed we were the dirtiest team he'd ever played. He said Ndamukong Suh spit on him. How can you not hate a guy like that? 

I hate the fact that we haven't won there in eight years. I hate knowing that they're going to rub in our faces the 52-17 butt-kicking they gave us last year. I hate the idea that if we lose this game we're going to be two games behind them in the race to win the Big 12 North. 

During the next week, I expect a lot of jawing between ourselves and Missouri sites... Rock M NationMizzourahDiary of a Hater. It can be a lot of fun, so keep it that way.  

First thing you need to do - come up with your own insult in response to AJ. Keep it creative. Keep it (relatively) free of vulgarity and profanity. 

If you can't do that, you can just post "I hate Missouri" and then give your own reasons as to why.