Bo Pelini is going to extremes to have the Nebraska Cornhuskers prepared for the 2008 football season, even if it gets someone killed. Last year’s Bill Callahan team was accused of being too soft (pun intended), and Pelini is determined that this year’s team will be more physical. To do so, he’s begun playing soft rock hits from the 70s, before, during, and after practice, in the weight rooms, on the practice field, in the showers. Everywhere the Huskers go, they’ll be treated to ‘Love Will Keep Us Together’ by Captain and Tennille.
"Listen, you only have to hear ‘All Out of Love’ by Air Supply so many times before you’re filed with homicidal rage.", said new head coach Bo Pelini. "It’s our version of hell in a box. They just need to learn to control it."
When asked if he may be crossing the line between coaching and sadism, Pelini replied, "We’re going to do what it takes to win", then paused and added "We removed ‘Undercover Angel’ from the playlist. We do have limits."
Nebraska players are said to be prepared to burn an effigy of Leo Sayer towards the end of spring practice. Access to the football team has been limited to the general public so as to not affect anyone besides the football team. Media has not been limited the reason being given by offensive line coach Barney Cotton, "They don’t seem to have any taste and therefore we’ve determined it won’t affect them."
An athletic department source expressed concern that this could get out of hand. "Someone said he might play 'Afternoon Delight', for God’s sake. I’m not going near work this week. I might stab someone."
A completely different anonymous source stated that Pelini has an antidote should anyone lose control, but didn’t mention exactly what the antidote is.
We’ll be closely watching this issue throughout spring practice. We'll also be investigating whether or not Yankee pitcher Joba Chamberlain is Christopher Cross brought out of of stasis.