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Bo Pelini's Contract? The Perks Done Sealed It!

With the specifics regarding Bo Pelini's contract coming out this week, it's clear that he's a "made for Nebraska" kind of coach. He comes cheap, he aims to win now, work hard, and he clearly don't give a damn about no five star Rival ratings on kids coming in. He is the anti-BC, just the guy we were looking for.

Happy Birthday To Bo!

Pelini will make a guaranteed $1.1M a year, which places him eighth among current Big 12 coaches (above Gene Chizik, Mike Gundy, Dan Hawkins and Ron Prince).

His contract will run until Dec. 31, 2012, ten days after the end of the world (according to the Mayans, the I Ching-inspired time line, and the cancer-laden smoking dude from X Files... let's just make that the subject of another article, mmmkay?)

That $1.1 millllion dollars? That's just a base, a beginning, a jumping-off point. If he's a really good boy, he's got plenty more comin'. Look at these incentives:

  • Win Big 12 North: $150,000
    
- Win Big 12 Championship: $250,000
  • Get to A BCS Championship: $150,000
    
- Win the BCS Title: $250,000
  • Academic Success - up to $250,000

Lightning strikes in 2009, giving Bo Pelini $2.25 millllion dollars, vaulting him to the third highest-paid coach in the Big 12, behind the two coaches who've won national championships - Mack Brown and perennial BCS-loser Bob Stoops. No doubt by then there'd be some kind of renegotiating happening and it'd be well worth it.

If this ain't heaven..... what is?

But what the hell is happening here? The country's going into a recession and yet socialistic God-hating universities everywhere are throwing money at coaches like they're printing it. Instead of following that trend we're lowballing some guy yet including incentives for doing a good job. Even did this thing where we don't have to give him millions of dollars just because he gets another job somewhere else. It's f'ing amazing.

It's like we're out to save the universe of college football from itself. Just wacky, the common sense spilling out of Lincoln. Damned near Un-American, that's what it is.

Of course, not everyone is entirely motivated by money. It certainly helps, but it ain't everything. You've got to have perks. And Pelini's got them coming too. Reading through the fine print on that contract you find:

  • Ginger Ten Bensel to play at his birthday party every year.
  • An old John Deere tractor to work on in the off-season. (A real tractor, not some kind of "cut your suburban lawn" weenie boy tractor.)
  • And free Mac's Creek Wine! Nebraska's finest, right out there in Lexington! Chokecherry wine just like your grandpa used to make? (Try getting that in Michigan, Mr. Rodriguez!)

Ooooooooooeeeeeee! Right there's your deal sealers!

Ginger Ten Bensel, an old John Deere Tractor, and Buffalo Wallow wine? Who wouldn't have signed up for that? Mr. Bo Pelini done died and gone to heaven. And where where might that be?  

In Nebraska! The Good Life!

Oooeeeeee!