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Church Stopped from Showing Super Bowl

The Fall Creek Baptist Church's "Super Bowl Bash" has been killed by the NFL. By law, the game can only be shown on a single TV no bigger than 55 inches. The church was planning on projecting it on the wall.

Pastor John Newland:

"It just frustrates me that most of the places where crowds are going to gather to watch this game are going to be places that are filled with alcohol and other things that are inappropriate for children," Newland said. "We tried to provide an alternative to that and were shut down."

Well, what do you expect, Pastor Newland? If you show it this year, then next year it'll be in churches all across the nation, bars will close down, men won't beat their wives and children or smash their furniture and throw out all their NFL paraphenalia 'cause they're not as drunk and pissed off as they're supposed to be.

The year after that, churches'll be conducting prayer sessions for their teams which would cause undue divine influence on the game which will throw off the bookies. Gambling would suffer, or actually the bookies would suffer. That's not good either.

Next thing you know the economy is taking a dive all because you wanted to show the Super Bowl in a church. These things always start out simple and end up badly.

Just plan on trying to save the poor bastards later like always.