Cobby promoted to Vice President of Stupid Titles.

Matthew Stockman

Annual promotions at Corn Nation result in big $$$ for Cobby.

28 minutes ago * Lincoln, NE * Corn Nation


In a stunning move today, the President of Corn Nation, Jon Johnston, promoted Cobby to Vice President of Stupid Titles.

"I felt it was time to give our most unbelievable writer a raise. His content might be second to some on Corn Nation, but his spirit keeps us going every day. We hope that this deal will lock down Cobby's services' with Corn Nation for years to come."

As with any Vice Presidential position, he will get a ginormous raise, a stupid title, and be required to do very little to earn his compensation. Cobby's promotion comes on the heals of Jim Tressel's recent promotion at Akron to "Vice President for Student Success". His former position with the Zips was "Vice President of Strategic Engagement." Along with his new title, the former Ohio State coach will be teaching a football coaching class at Akron. Below is a syllabus that I was able to obtain for the course he will teach.

Weeks 1-3, How to hire good assistants. "Hey, they are the ones who really do all the work for you, right?"

Weeks 4-6, How to make your players bigger, stronger and faster than everyone else (but the SEC).

Weeks 7-9, How to make your players bigger, stronger and faster than everyone else (but the SEC) without getting caught.

Weeks 10-12, Proper email and social media protocol to avoid problems.

Weeks 13-15, How to give tattoos to your players so they don't get free ones down the street.

When I asked Cobby for an interview, he declined the request saying, "Now that I'm in the Good-Ol-Boys club, I've got a date with Kate Upton, the golf course, and the 19th hole. So long sucker."

/humor

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