Husker Receiver Kenny Bell Sparks NCAA Investigation

US PRESSWIRE

In what can be called nothing less than a shocking surprise, Kenny Bell has instigated a visit from the NCAA.

Junior wide receiver Kenny Bell's potential greatness has triggered a NCAA investigation of Nebraska football. Jamal Turner and Quincy Enunwa are part of the problem, but the NCAA has decided to focus on Bell.

The investigation has been triggered by the realization that Nebraska has the best group of receivers in the Big Ten and that the group has the potential to one of the best in the nation. The potential for the Cornhuskers to shift their focus to a passing game has the NCAA concerned as they have Nebraska pegged as a "running school." Were Nebraska to change to a "passing school," shifts would occur across not just the college football landscape, but throughout the space-time continuum - shifts that could put Earth itself in danger.

45 years ago, Earth was visited by aliens from the faraway planet Shavgarosiskshitshatshot. They foretold of a rip in the fabric of space happening were three things on earth to come to pass simultaneously:

- Notre Dame hiring a coach that is actually Irish

- Florida State living up to preseason expectations

- Nebraska becoming a school known for its prolific passing offense

The aliens had a fascination with college football. Who knew such a thing could happen? They also warned of the coming of a "'froey one", which no one understood at the time.

This tweet from Bell appears to shed some light on the problem:

It could be that he arrived late to breakfast and there were only scrambled eggs left, which he hates, even with tabasco sauce. It could be that he's waited too long to wash his own clothes and needs a gas mask to navigate through that mess (happened to me in college).

It could be his hair, which can have a mind of its own (ALIENS!) and which we're told NCAA president Mark Emmert hates because he "so wanted a 'fro" when he was in college, but realized he couldn't have wild photos of his past floating around because they'd come out later and embarrass him when he'd clawed his way to the top of a rules-filled bureaucracy somewhere.

Or it could be an indication that Bell is fed up with NCAA scrutiny already, and that's what we're going with because it fits the narrative.

Nebraska athletic director Shawn Eichorst has been informed of the problem and will welcome the NCAA to investigate. When asked if the Earth is in any real danger, Eichorst replied, "Do you really think that Florida State is anywhere close to living up to preseason expectations?". He then doubled over in laughter, knocking his cheese omelet to the floor, doubling Bell's struggle because Kenny Bell loves cheese omelets oh so much.

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