Nebraska hires Kate Upton to help with recruiting.

Jonathan Ferrey

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model is expected to help Nebraska land a top 5 class nationally next year.

In case you missed the news, the NCAA has adopted new rules this past week that have changed how recruiting works. Some of these rules even caused a stink at the Big Ten meetings this week. It was enough of a problem that the Big Ten is trying to table three of the new policies:

Big Ten schools are in the process of sending official requests to override the NCAA's proposed ruling for unlimited communication with recruits, according to University of Nebraska faculty athletics rep Josephine Potuto.

The Big Ten on Monday announced the league's coaches and athletics directors are pushing back against a set of proposed NCAA rules, including:

*Proposal 11-2: Athletics Personnel -- Limitations on the Number and Duties of Coaches --Elimination of Recruiting Coordination Functions

*Proposal 13-3: Recruiting -- Deregulation of Modes and Numerical Limitations on Communication

*Proposal 13-5-A: Recruiting -- Elimination of Printed Recruiting Materials and Video/Audio Legislation

What do these new rules mean? Well, among other things, recruits can be bombarded with text messages, phone calls and mailings from universities. Athletic Departments can spend all sorts of money now on trying to lure recruits to their schools.

With that in mind we've already started seeing the top programs open up their pocket books to hire people that can help sway these recruits. Alabama hired Kevin Steele this morning specifically for recruiting. Nebraska has decided to go a step further and hire swimsuit model Kate Upton.

Said Nebraska Athletic Director Shawn Eichorst,

"The Big Ten athletic directors agree that these new rules are not permissible and could cause a destabilization of the recruiting system. However, in case they are upheld, we at the University of Nebraska want to be prepared to "tackle" these recruits properly.

We believe that Kate Upton's "assets" can help us. Her exclusive contract with the University of Nebraska will go a long way into returning Nebraska to the glory days. Kate's job description will include meeting the recruits for "one-on-one" visits and spending some quality time with them.

We look forward to having Kate on our team and to the many prosperous years ahead of us."

In other news, LSU is in contact with the "House of the Rising Sun" for their services while Texas and Texas A&M are in a tussle for the "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas". God has an option to join Notre Dame's recruiting team, while Satan is no longer available. He signed on with Alabama last week as reported by Vanderbilt head coach, James Franklin.

There are also unconfirmed reports that Kaley Cuoco is in talks with UNL about joining the staff. Her character on the hit television show "Big Bang Theory", Penny, is from Nebraska. More new to come when it's available.

/satire
/humor

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