Nebraska offensive coordinator Tim Beck said after practice this week that the Nebraska offense has learned enough to warrant using the 64-color crayon set in their play calling this season.
"We've advanced so much further than last year when we were only using 16 colors. I am so happy with our progress. It really wasn't hard for opposing defenses to figure out that on third and three we were calling blue violet most of the time."
Beck stopped smiling for a moment, stared at the ground and stated, "In fact, most of the season can be summed up in only a few plays. Way too many carnation pinks at Wisconsin. Northwestern knew that we were running blue whenever we ran it, and Michigan, well, black and green, black and green".
"BUT NOT THIS SEASON", Beck screamed. "No, this season we'll have plenty of options. Not just green, but forest green, aquamarine, olive green and melon!"
The moment Beck said "melon", Husker players around him started jumping up and down chanting "MELON MELON MELON" in a bloodthirsty tribal manner. Nebraska media members initially feared for their safety but then went back to their desks to write articles about improved team chemistry.
Taylor Martinez responded "Fuzzy Wuzzy" to a question about his favorite play this season, which further confused reporters. Half were sure it wasn't a real play, half were certain that Martinez didn't know the offense as well as expected, but all were sure that it was an apt description of his throwing mechanics.
As the final media members left practice, Beck was beaming and confided, "We even got the built-in sharpener.* Those sunsabitches won't know what hit ‘em."
*Obligatory 64-color set built-in sharpener joke. Rich kids never realized just how special that damned sharpener was to the rest of us. Bastards.