Urban Meyer Fills My Dreams With Dread

by Jon Johnston on Feb 10, 2012 10:54 AM CST in College Football - National

It's a bit of a late start this morning. Good thing it's a Friday, as I'm having problems getting started. Mostly, it took me a while to shake a bad dream I had last night.

The whole thing started innocently enough. I was me as "just some guy", living the life, la de da, and all that. Then I was informed I would be coaching a football game against Urban Meyer. I remember the moment at which I was told, and thinking, "Why does something like this happen to me? Why would I have to coach against Urban Meyer? Why me?"

The game was scheduled for late morning, or early afternoon. The setting wasn't Lincoln, Nebraska, nor anything like it. There really wasn't a stadium, more like it was a high school field with a smattering of small offices around, concessions, storage, the typical smattering you'd find at a small town football field.

An hour or so before the game was to start, helicopter gunships attacked the area. Mostly they attacked me. They were just like those damned things in Battlefield 3, the ones that swoop in and destroy your M1 Abrams or your T-90 with you being pretty much being unable to do anything about it.

I hate those damned things. I can't fly them, and when I try I run straight into the ground in about 10 seconds. If the other guy has a mike, he's yelling "idiot!" or worse. I still try sometimes, so, hey, if you happen to be playing Battlefield 3, don't get into a helicopter piloted by "cornblight". Your life will be short.

The gunships destroyed my office, and then destroyed all the buildings in the area. They chased me down a never-ending dream road, bullets spraying at my feet, gravel flying into my face creating chaos.

Thing was, I wasn't terrified of the gunships at all. All the while running down that road I kept thinking "I have to coach against Urban Meyer! I have to coach against Urban Meyer!"

At one point, I saw myself running. It was a gorgeous scene, actually. Gunships swooping back and forth, fires from the buildings, smoke in the air, except for my destination - a beautiful green football field with a building still intact where I was supposed to meet the media.

I know you're probably wondering - so what happened in the game? Fortunately I never got that far. The last thing I remember was standing in a media room, still covered in dust and my own blood from the gunship attack.

About 20 or 30 media guys asked the same question simultaneously.

"What do you think about coaching against Urban Meyer?"

I didn't answer. I was shaking, filled with dread.

Then I woke up.

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Comments

Damn

I thought you were actually going to coach against him and get to talk to him. That would have been a good read.

LTC Kilgore: How you feelin' Jimmy?
Door Gunner: Like a mean motherfucker sir!

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. -Hunter S. Thompson

by Look_A_Red_Squirrel on Feb 10, 2012 12:00 PM CST reply actions

Definately makes me think that anywhere east of Chicago

is going to be shut off, esp. for offensive talent.

Google's homepage celebrates too much shit.

by meatybob on Feb 10, 2012 12:41 PM CST reply actions

...or it could open up a dozen+ recruits...

About 2/3 of Urban’s recruits in the 2012 class, and about 3/4 of the offers to the 2013 class, are recruits outside the B1G footprint. By contrast, the vest averaged only 20-25% outside the B1G foot print.

For every athlete he signs outside the B1G foot print rather than in it, you have a recruit with a built in B1G lean looking for a program. This could be a boost to B1G recruiting.

Proud proponent of the 52 team Uber Conference

by ProveIt on Feb 10, 2012 4:44 PM CST up reply actions

I was more worried about what's in the water up in Minnesota.

Play for the love of the game. A Cornhusker through feast or famine. That's the Nebraska way.

by Salt Creek and Stadium on Feb 10, 2012 6:04 PM CST up reply actions

yeah

baby! drinking it alla the time!

Go Big Red Nebraska!
Our Cobs Are Bigger Than Yours!
Corn Nation!
Follow @cornnation Twitter
cornnation@gmail.com

by Jon Johnston on Feb 11, 2012 9:33 AM CST up reply actions

Maybe you should consider alternatives.

Gin does not count.

Play for the love of the game. A Cornhusker through feast or famine. That's the Nebraska way.

by Salt Creek and Stadium on Feb 11, 2012 10:20 AM CST up reply actions

Wasn't this on CSI?

The spouse (in this case, it was the husband) mixes a teaspoon of antifreeze in his wife’s mixed drink(s). After several weeks, the wife starts to hallucinate, become forgetful, and, well, the end wasn’t pretty.

Is Mrs. CN mixing your drinks, Jon?

by MSS1960 on Feb 11, 2012 5:17 PM CST up reply actions

Yes.

It was Heidi. She had her reasons.

Case closed? Or is there more to this? More than the gin, the Boy Scouts, the PTA meetings.

Ooh, the questions…continue the mystery of the dilusional dream at your will.

(my dreams involve Bo hanging Urban over an I-80 overpass by his his heels and laughing maniacly…and then dropping him, perfectly timed, in front of Steve Spurrier’s SUV…which is immediately rear-ended by Mack Browns bus filled with clueless five-star prospects heading to Texas anonymity and another barely winning season.)

They're 18 to 22...how perfect were you at that age?
The Power of Red begins with the Passion of Walk-Ons.

by redvalley on Feb 12, 2012 1:08 AM CST up reply actions