Husker Spring Goes "Old School"

 

Ahhh, springtime. When hope springs eternal and talk of national titles, Heisman trophies and getting that hot single soccer mom's number doesn't seem quite as crazy. Taylor Martinez is fast again and a no-huddle offense sans Watson will roll 500 yards up on any defense in the country. Jared Crick is Outland material and Lavonte David will treat opposing running backs like Stone Cold treats Mr. McMahon. Bo's approval rating will again creep into the high 80's and fans will laud the work of Raymond, Els, Fisher, Beck and Brown in their new positions.

Yes, former disasters will be forgotten. The Washington game for instance. Watching that in an establishment with well-stocked alcohol reserves may have been a mistake, but everyone should park in their yard occasionally. Yes, watching Greg Burks and company do their impression of the mountain men in the love scene from Deliverance with the Cornhuskers playing the Ned Beatty role was tough at the time, but that's behind us now. No pun intended.

It's time to look forward, plain and simple. And who better to help us do so than the visionaries who brought us the concept of the fraternity for 30 to 90-somethings. Mitch Martin. Beanie Campbell. Frank the Tank.

Frank the Friggin' Tank.

That's right, the boys of "Old School" turn their timeless wisdom to Husker Spring Football. Absorb & enjoy:

"Are you sure you're ok with this, Blue?"
"Just ring the f*****g bell, you pansy."

Eric Martin is moving to DE and it is supposedly going very well. Gosh, there's a stunner. "Eric, blow off the end and hit whatever moves. Think you can handle that?"

Please.

"You're my boy, Blue! You're my boy."

When Dontray transferred, nobody got TOO worked up, but it's a potential killer. Helu is gone and the RB position is somewhere between thin and inexperienced. (BTW, did a guy ever roll up 300 yards on a top 10 team more quietly than Roy? I mean, ever?? He'll be missed.)Of the dross on the depth chart behind these guys, only Austin Jones has lettered. Yikes.

Yes, Heard and Green have talent, but can you pencil a guy not named Herschel who hasn't graduated high school yet into the #2 spot and sleep easy? Apparently not, which is why Gilleylen and Kildow find themselves in the backfield this spring.

So for the time being Rex is our boy to the tune of 25-30 touches a game until someone else steps up.  

"Mitch. You're on the rebound. You're like an injured young fawn who's been nursed back to health and is finally going to be released back into the wilderness."

We love him. We hate him. He's transferring. No, he's not. His subsequent deportation to Canada and that country's refusal to accept him, well, I guess that's more than most 21-year-olds can handle.

OK, I made that last part up. No, it's not

Ogie Oglethorpe
. It's our own Taylor Martinez. He's healthy, he's fast and teammates say he's turning into a leader. You know, the one we demanded that he become to a veteran team with only a year as a scout team wide receiver under his belt. This is the 1st institution he's attended for more than two years since middle school. I'm still a little nervous about his decision-making and that release is still a bit - how should I put it? - Tebow-esque.

But that athletic ability has some experience and adversity behind it now.

"Well why don't you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife."

However, Bubba Starling is still more than welcome on campus should he pass on becoming a millionaire for a few years.

"At this point, you may be asking yourself, why am I holding this 30 pound cinder block in my hands? You might also ask yourself, why does this cinder block have a long piece of string tied to it? And finally, why is the other end of this string tied securely to your penis?"

"And the answer ladies... is trust."

The Ross Els and Rich Fisher hires caused some head-scratching. A high school prep coach and former golf pro and a career guy in his 40's from UNO whose resume doesn't glitter with big names. Hmmm.

But Fisher led said prep school to their 1st undefeated season since 1915 and Els LB's helped the Bobcats rank 20th in the nation in defense last year.

Trust.

"See, I'm the first one to go to college in my family and when I left she said, 'Weensie, if you screw this up, I'll kill you.' She showed me the knife."

Tim Beck is bringing spread option no-huddle football to Lincoln and the West Coast will be fully absent from the playbook for the first time since the dark days of Callahan. In case Timothy hasn't noticed, Husker fan doesn't have a lot of patience. No pressure at all, Becksie.

"Frank here was staring at a white picket fence. Now he's single, he's broke, and has second degree burns all over his body. And I see a spark in his eye that I haven't seen in fifteen years."

OK, OK, it's not 2nd degree burns, just some minor shoulder surgery and a knee sprain. And it probably works out for the better that a) two of our our established guys don't have to risk serious injury in sprng ball and b) more snaps for the talented youngsters.

But I still don't think that either Crick or Meredith are very happy when pads are popping and they're just watching. I'm thinking fall camp goes

something like this.

"Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he's crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers."

Kenny Bell missed most of his senior season with a broken leg and many of the recruiters disappeared. He made some noise as a scout teamer and now as redshirt freshman, the wideout positions are wide open after Kinnie and Bell is turning heads. Stay tuned this fall.

"Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!"

That's us talking and Bo's defense is the beer bong. Even with last year's disappointing finish, the Blackshirts still got it done. Remember over 3 years ago when we were about the worst defense in the country? Me neither.

"Guys this is a very special occasion. The Godfather himself has decided to grace us with his presence. This is his damn house. He sleeps twenty feet away."

I know the good doctor probably won't be in the AD office for too many more years, but it's nice to have him around while we can, isn't it?

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