Big 12 Students Take To Streets To Topple Big 12 Conference, Want Ouster of Dan Beebe

It was only a matter of time before it came to this.

Students at schools across the Big 12 conference, starting at Iowa State and Kansas State, have had enough of the Big 12 conference's dictatorial ways, taking to the streets in protest against what they call the inequity of revenue sharing in the conference. Things so far have remained relatively peaceful, save for the burning inn effigy of Dan Beebe and University of Texas Athletic Director DeLoss Dodds. 

There's been little response from Dan Beebe, El Presidente of the Big 12 for the past three decades in Beebetime, three years in normal earth time. In past uprisings, Beebe had been able to call upon his supporters, mostly high-ranking university administrators across the conference, who would crush student complaints with floods of meaningless campus regulations, increased parking tickets and removal of decent dorm food.

The unrest has been sparked by the announcement of the ESPN Longhorn Network, a deal between ESPN and Texas that will net the University of Texas even more money, driving the inequity further between the top school in the conference and everyone else, including Oklahoma. 

Big 12 officials haven't displayed much concern - reporting that Beebe and Dodds were having tea and crumpets as late as yesterday afternoon -  but that could change later this week as rumors are surfacing that the unrest will reach Texas A&M. It's unknown at this point whether the cadets would get involved. While most Aggies are clearly unhappy with their position in the conference, the strong, powerful cadet force must choose between the chaos of unrest and their most treasured asset - meaningless structure with no true power. 

"Let them eat cake, tee hee hee " -was a response (complete with a hair flick)given by Heather Dell, a senior marketing major at the University of Texas, when told of the student uprisings across other campuses.

"Let them eat shit and die!" - was the response from a Kansas student referring to himself as "Jack O' Lantern", who swore that even if the conference didn't fall he would take revenge upon every Texas team that came to Lawrence. 

"I don't care if it's women's soccer, if the Big 12 conference manages to survive this, I plan on being at every game against Texas." 

When asked what kind of protest he might make then, "Jack" stated he was working on plan to organize students at least a week before any scheduled Texas event. 

"No one showers, then we stand as close as possible to any Texas fans and their athletes. It's a simple non-violent method of saying THIS STINKS!"