Corn Flakes Is All About Offseason Coaching Hires And Infections

Rice Tulsa Pitt Arizona State head coach Todd Graham waves to Steve Pederson during his news conference at somewhere that isn't in Pennsylvania.

My writing has been pretty lousy lately, so instead of attempting to write something coherent, you're going to be getting Corn Flakes more often than you've seen in the recent past.

Todd Graham leaves Pitt for Arizona State after being at Pitt for only a year, and spending that year talking about things like ethics and class and all the stuff that coaches are supposed to talk about because they're paid millions to talk like that and not really give a damn if it stands for anything other than the millions they're paid.

Devin Street Goes On Impressive, Lengthy Twitter Rant About Todd Graham

There's really nothing shocking about the Todd Graham news though - a coach that stays one year in a place and moves on. You could blame our buddy - he who shall not be named (you know, that megalomaniac jackass that destroyed Husker football for a few years) - but honestly, there appears to be more than one complete bastard at work here.
This is the thing, though, that you need to understand about complete bastards. You really prefer to keep them all in one place. That way you know where they are and you keep them quarantined there because being a complete bastard is contagious. That's what's so sad about Graham moving around so much. He's creating more complete bastards alla the time, and right now, doesn't America have enough already?

Think about this in terms of your work place. Things are going well, great, in fact, then your department hires a complete bastard. Next thing you know, the decent people are leaving and the whole department is filled with complete bastards, mostly because decent people don't want anything to do with working with them.

OTOH, Arizona State kept Dennis Erickson around for a while, so they've probably already been infected.

Keith Patterson Named Interim Coach for Pitt Football

One more thing about our buddy Pedey. Why would anyone let him hire another coach?

Ed Cunningham Calls Mike Leach The Worst Hire In College Football

Our buddy of the helmet-to-helmet hit raves Ed Cunningham calls Mike Leach to Washington State the worst hire of the offseason, which is not all that shocking because Ed works for ESPN, which is currently being sued by Mr Leach for the hatchet job they did in reporting on the Craig James/Adam James "locked in a closet" debacle.

No word yet on whether Craig James killed another hooker to celebrate Ed Cunningham's pronouncement.

Ranking 2011 College Football Coach Hires, From No-Brainer To Baffling

Our buddy Bill Connelly lists Leach as the best hire of the offseason, even beating out Urban Meyer at Ohio State, mostly because Connelly does not work for ESPN and you really have to wonder about Urban Meyer's long term prognosis in Columbus.

Is there a conflict of interest here? Yes, because Bill Connelly writes for SB Nation.

CRAIG JAMES FOR SENATIVE: BORN TO RUN

Posted only because there aren't enough comments here, and because I'm actually torn about the whole "Craig James Running For Senate" thing. If he wins, I don't ever have to see his pontificating bullshit on ESPN, and I consider that pretty much a positive. Plus, does it really matter that one bit that Texas might add another jackass to the huge population of jackasses currently in Washington, DC?

If you're Texan, you might think "Hey, that's what we do - send jackasses to Washington." Nothing out of the ordinary, really, and remember what I said about complete bastards and infections (just in case I haven't pounded that into your head, which is probably getting sore about now. DON'T WORRY THERE'S MORE COMING.)

If you're a hooker in DC, though, you might think about moving.

Where to go? Maybe Columbus, Ohio, because it won't be long and business will be improving.

The Urban Meyer Effect - Off Tackle Empire
Urban Meyer - already tearing up the college football recruiting trail! Nice bit over at OTE about the Urban Meyer Effect and what he might do to shake up the B1G, such as

Meyer is THE hire of the offseason, but let's not ordain him the master of the Big Ten yet. In the comments section is the point that Meyer's weakness may be that he loves speed more than anything, but that leaves him susceptible to teams that play good defense and utilize that power running game, which might describe more than one team in the B1G.

IT'D BE NICE IF IT WERE NEBRASKA THAT FIT THE DESCRIPTION.

A Very Early College Football Top 25 for 2012 | AthlonSports.com

6. Ohio State – After a disappointing 6-6 record this season, expect the Buckeyes to rebound in a big way in 2012. Urban Meyer was a home run hire, and it won’t be long before Ohio State is back in the national title discussion. Quarterback Braxton Miller should thrive in Meyer’s spread offense, while a young group of receivers should be better next year. The offensive line has a few holes, which loses center Mike Brewster and tackle Mike Adams. Unless defensive lineman John Simon bolts for the NFL, the Buckeyes will have nine returning starters on defense.

OMG! OMG! OMG! Let's anoint Urban Meyer as the owner of the Big Ten!

Nebraska? We come in at #14, behind Michigan and Michigan State.

Weis tries to hit ground running

You know we couldn't get through this without a Charlie Weis mention, right? Given the headline, I'd be thinking that it'd be better for Weis to hit the ground rolling 'cause that sunuvabitch can't walk or run for shit.

Sad thing about the article, though. Weis shows a little humility, then screws it all up with this bit:

"I have made a lot of mistakes, but I have learned how to show humility. But I have never lost my passion and drive to win," he said. "I want to win. I am a bad loser. I am sometimes a bad winner, according to my family, but I am certainly a bad loser. I would expect anyone else to be the same."

According to his family......??? Oh, Charlie.

David Earns AP All-America Honor

Senior linebacker Lavonte David earned another All-America accolade on Wednesday, as he was named a second-team All-American by the Associated Press. The 2011 campaign marks the second straight year that David was chosen as a second-team All-American by the organization - posted just to make sure this one included something about Nebraska.

A well deserved honor for David, who doesn't in any way shape or form appear to be a complete bastard, or even an apprentice bastard for that matter.

And just to make you feel a little bit better about where we are now compared to where we were last year at this time:

Rumor RUMOR - Taylor Martinez Prima Donna Transfer Imminent!
Take yourself back a year. Taylor Martinez was a prima donna, he was transferring, his dad interfered in everything , and Bo Pelini was a big bad guy..... what happened during the course of a year?

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