The Corn Nation BCS Review - Week 12



OK, first things first. I'm knocking this list back to the top six (plus the Huskers) instead of the top ten, because frankly I had to work too hard once I got past Oregon last week. Let others speculate who is going to what bowl, that's not the business of the BCS, regardless of what some chowderheads think. At this time of year, if someone starts screaming at me about the formula screwing over the #13 team, I wad paper up at the phone like "Peggy" giving Bobby Bowden the kiss off with his Miss Priss' Cat Emporium charges.

The BCS is about picking #1 and #2. End of story. The BCS bowls all have formulas and at larges that have very little to do with the BCS standings. Unless you're Notre Dame and in the Top 8 or something - and that really hasn't been an issue since the damn thing was created. So this week I'm pretty much interested in three things: teams that have at least an outside shot at sliding into the title game, hearing Jerry Sandusky was "horsed around in the shower" by some maximum security playmates and seeing Joe Paterno charged alongside Curley and Schulz. (Yes, kool-aid drinkers, he broke the same law...but that's another article) 

UNDISPUTED

#1 LSU

Western Kentucky came and went without incident and next up is the utterly non-threatening Ole Miss before the last challenge vs. Arkansas. It sounds fun to consider the possibilities of an Arkansas upset, kind of like finding yourself in a club fifteen feet away from a Friends-era frisky tableful of Aniston, Cox and Kudrow and trying to decide who you want to go home with. However, reality bites in both cases - the only thing you're doing after the club is hoping you didn't drink too much to knock the trio out of your spank bank and Arky-saw ain't beating the Tigers. The last potential wrench in the Tiger party is a reborn Georgia...and that probably ain't happenin' neither.

THE LAST IMPOSTER

#2 Oklahoma St.

When a computer says that a team with a schedule that is thus far...well, not too strong, not too weak... is superior to LSU and their stack of quality wins including the #3 and #4 teams in the country, wouldn't you seriously reprogram the piece of shit?? Yes, three of the six computer rankings still rank the Cowboys #1. Jesus. And last week's 66-6 shellacking of TTech begs the question: HOW IN GOD'S NAME DID THE SOONERS LOSE TO THOSE GUYS?? 

REGULAR SEASON GAME? WHAT REGULAR SEASON GAME?

#3 Alabama

Tree murdering hillbillies get to rest up during beatings of Georgia Southern and the even weaker Auburn and heal up for their rematch. And pray that Arkansas doesn't beat LSU and jump right over them...what?

 

THE NEW ONE LOSS PARADE

#4 Oregon

The Ducks did all they could including something that 'Bama and the other one loss Charlies can't claim: They delievered a beatdown to a previously undefeated team. However, the fact that Bama played the Tigers closer or belong to the SEC West or something held them the #3 spot over Ducks. It's doubtful that wins over USC, Oregon State and whomever from the Pac 12 South in the title game will carry any weight. Barring miracles, Oregon can only max out at #3. Does Nike have a sad shade of green they can wear in the Rose Bowl?

#5 Oklahoma

The best chance hands down to jump the Tide and avoid the dreaded rematch. If Oklahoma does take down Okie State in the last week, does the computer love for the Cowboys carry over and allow the Sooners to slide into the title game? Remember in Teen Wolf when the hot blonde with small breasts was the girlfriend of the 32-year-old high school basketball stud until the Wolf started breaking all the records, then she wanted to jump the 116 pound bones of Michael J. Fox? I'm saying now that when Oklahoma lays out Okie St., the computer polls are the blonde and the Sooners are the Wolf. They make the leap over the Tide and revenge-driven Alabama fans are frustrated to discover there's nothing to kill in Oklahoma except dirt and dreams of employment out of state.

#6 Arkansas

A win over LSU wreaks more havoc than some biker in a dive bar tugging on a drunken Chewbacca's chin whiskers. It's fun to consider, but in a strange set of circumstances, Arkansas has somehow gone thru an SEC West schedule without playing anyone who's THAT tough. Auburn? Meh. The aTm? Please. LSU will pop the Pigs by something like 31-7. This speculation is fun but not realistic.

#16 Nebraska

...defeats their first opponent ranked #17 or higher on the road since 199-something. And a BCS bowl is not out of the pic. Versus Oklahoma maybe??

See you next week.

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