Christian Standhardinger Blows His Transfer To La Salle University

There are just so many sophomoric jokes here that it's hard to pass up.  

On the same day La Salle University announced his transfer, head coach John Giannini had to later issue a statement saying that former Nebraska basketball player Christian Standhardinger would not be coming to their hallowed university after all: 

"Christian has recently been made aware of a personal situation that demands his full attention," Giannini said. "We believe it is in the best interest of all parties that Christian Standhardinger does not attend La Salle University."

You know how I always tell you how I had to walk two miles to school every morning, and both ways were up hill? Yeah? It's true. Everything was tougher back in my day, with one exception. 

Cops used to let you go once in a while and not have to arrest or ticket you for everything single damned thing you do wrong, ever. Most of the time they just told you to go home, which you were happy to do, because it was warm and cozy there, as opposed to in the car where it's cramped and awkward, especially if you're 6' 8": 

Lincoln police reportedly found Standhardinger shirtless and with his pants down while seated in the passenger seat of a parked car at 3:40 a.m. Sunday inside Tierra Park. He was accompanied by a 19-year-old female, also reportedly shirtless.    

Man, how unlucky can you get? Besides that - who knew this was so illegal, so heinous a crime, that it would blow his chances of playing basketball at another university out east? 

Stand hard, Christian.

I'm sure there's a university somewhere that will accept you, although I'd recommend you transfer to a public university, one full of heathens, and not  a Catholic school where no one would ever have sex in a car, because they're all rich enough to get a room, and even if they did get caught attempting sex in a car, the family lawyer would make certain that nothing came of it anywhere, ever. 

Let the sophomoric jokes commence!