Last week's "Five Reasons Nebraska Will Lose" article was amazingly popular with Husker fans, so amazingly popular (think - like ice cream!) that I've decided to do it again. I received so many congratulatory emails from Husker fans the past few days that I've decided maybe it should become a regular feature here at CN.
You are a clueless idiot.
1. The Dakotas are ruling the FBS schools. North Dakota State won at Kansas, 6-3, spoiling Turner Gill's debut. South Dakota beats Minnesota, 41-38, spoiling Tim Brewster's job. What's next? A South Dakota State win over Nebraska.
Simple, direct, wonderful. One thing, though - if you think I'm a clueless idiot, don't wait until after the game to let me know. You can let me know at any time!
On to the reasons Nebraska will lose to South Dakota State!
2. In a horrible miscalculation, South Dakota State's Jackrabbit Boys begins their "wild rumpus show" on Nebraska's first offensive possession instead of waiting until halftime, trampling the Huskers' entire starting offensive unit.
Husker second-stringers try to carry on, but are too stunned by the carnage to score. South Dakota State wins on a last-second field goal, 3-0.
3. You ever tried to catch a jackrabbit? (and by catch, I don't mean run over with your truck, or shoot and then walk over and pick it up)
No? ‘Nuff said.
4. Every super hero has a special power. It's obvious that Taylor Martinez' special power is speed. Every hero also has a weakness. This weekend we discover Martinez' weakness is rabbits. Eight turnovers = Iowa State 2009, Husker Nation weeps.
5. The ghost of Steve Pederson's life in Nebraska demands it. As he was leaving Nebraska for the last time in his life, Pederson peered into the rear view mirror and uttered a curse that the Huskers would lose the game they most desired. You thought it was last year's Big 12 Championship? No, it wasn't on Nebraska soil. This one is.
6. South Dakota. More nukes than Iran. #justsayin
7. During his "Jackrabbit Journey", Casey Hillman had a vision of South Dakota rising up in national influence. This is the first step in that vision. Next step? The mass migration of small business to South Dakota, where there is no personal income tax. If they can't build their own football players, they'll just immigrate them.
Wait... five reasons....... and I didn't even mention jackalopes. Maybe I'll save that for later.