I Think You're Gonna Like It Here

(Uh, wow...... you guys really gotta see this....  - JJ) 

Oh hey there Red, I just wanted to personally wish Nebraska and its (by reputation) fantastic fans to one hell of a conference...

 = Nebraska...

(press play and sing along)

[MICHIGAN]
[spoken] Now Nebraska, what would you like to do first?

[NEBRASKA]
[spoken] Well, first I'll pretend to be rivals with some nowhere state I guess. Then I'll see if I can get us on a local TV station -- that way maybe a few thousand people might realize the other teams in our conference besides me exist...

[MICHIGAN]
[spoken] No, no, you don't understand. You won't have to do any conference building while you're here.

[NEBRASKA]
[spoken] I won't? But then how am I going to earn my keep?

[MICHIGAN]
[spoken] Why you're our guest, Nebraska!

[PURDUE]
The Big Ten Network will show your classic games.

[BTN]
[spoken] The '70s are her best era; no, '90s I think.

[IOWA]
Your bowl game tie-ins are recruiting dreams...

[CITY OF ORLANDO]
[spoken] Tangerine, no, Citrus I think!

[NORTHWESTERN]
The CIC will come to check your grades....

[COMPLIANCE OFFICERS]
[spoken] All B's...hmmm...maybe you need some R&D money for pharmaceutical research.

[NEBRASKA]
I think I'm gonna like it here!

[OHIO STATE]
A third of the nation's high school football teams are to your right.

[NEBRASKA]
[spoken] Inside the house? Oh boy!

[MINNESOTA]
The hockey rink is in the rear

[NEBRASKA]
[spoken] I never even laced up a skate...

[WISCONSIN]
[spoken] What?

[WISCONSIN]
Have an instructor here at noon.
[spoken] Oh, and get that Red Berenson fellow if he's available.

[NEBRASKA]
I think I'm gonna like it here!

[ILLINOIS]
When you're high, visit I,
I'll let you come and slouch...

[MICHIGAN STATE]
When you're done, just for fun,
We'll let you, burn the cooooooooouch!

[PENN STATE]
No need to ever fire your coach!

[NEBRASKA]
[spoken] That's okay, Osborne calls all the shots anyway.

[INDIANA]
We'll broadcast every game of hoooooops!

[ALL]
We have but one request
On our boards act your best!

[NEBRASKA]
I know I'm gonna like it here!

[NEBRASKA]:
Used to lie, with Judge and Cy
Where I'd sit and snooze
Get me now, holy cow
Could someone pass the booze?

[MICHIGAN STATE]
[spoken] on it, dude!

[At this point the cops arrive and MSU takes off running]

[OHIO STATE]
[spoken] He didn't mean it!

[DELANEY]
[spoken] Hey there, Nebraska: I've got something for ya ... here you are: your choice of New Years Day Bowl games!

[MICHIGAN, OHIO STATE and PENN STATE]
[singing] No need to hide your arrogance!
[MICHIGAN]: (You'll never touch our count of wins, we love to count our lovely wins!)

[NEBRASKA]
I'm glad to add eight-hundred more!

[ALL]
[under our breaths] Give it 10 years she'll be our whore!
[PENN STATE]: hey!

[ALL]
We're glad you took a berth, We'll double your net worth
We know you're gonna like it here!!!!

Welcome!