The gospel, according to a Nebraska fan :
And it came to pass in the land of Lincoln, in the kingdom of Husker Nation, that a man named Pederson arose to rule the realm of Athletics. For he was of the Kingdom, from the city of North Platte, and was a follower of the Huskers of Corn.
But he was not a wise man, forsaking the ways of the Husker Nation, sending the leader Solich into the wilderness, and turning away the warriors of old who wore the tunics of black into battle in ages past, even removing their portraits and pictures.
And in the place of Solich, he selected from the land of La-La a strange man, once known as leading a failed army known as Raiders to defeat after defeat in the grand Coliseum of the Land of Oaks, a city by the bay of San Francisco, a wicked city of Sodomites and practitioners of perversion.
And did this man, known as Callahan, become the general of the Husker armies, forsaking all traditions held dear to the hearts of the citizens.
And a strange plan known as the West Coast Offense was forced upon the armies, and the proven tactics of old were called evil and sinful by Callahan. And complex and confusing were the plans in the Offense, and failure was the result.
And the Husker armies fell apart on the fields of battle, and adversaries from the Land of Troy, the hated Sooners, the powerful Orange Cowboys from the land of Still Water, yea even the despised Purple Cats from the wasteland of Kansas, did achieve victory after victory over the once-mighty Husker armies, and the wearers of the Tunics of Black.
And in the fourth year of the reign of Callahan, did the Husker armies struggle against warriors from a land where canning jars were made. And lo, the armies of Troy, the Tiger tribe from Columbia, yea, even the Orange Cowboys, did soundly defeat the Husker armies.
And it came to pass during the battle with the Orange Cowboys, in the presence of St. Thomas of Osborne and his brave soldiers of yore, that the members of Husker Nation did turn their backs upon the slaughter of the weakened armies of Callahan.
And a hue and cry arose throughout the land, in cyberspace, and on the program ESPN, for the removal of the failed general Callahan and his aides, and his master Pederson the Jerk.
And the Chancellor heard their cries, and dispatched Pederson into exile.
And St. Thomas was summoned by the Chancellor, and was given the power to rule in the department of Athletics.
And o, did Callahan wail and gnash his teeth, telling one and all of the fine works he had done. And his lies fell on deaf ears.
And there was great joy in Husker Nation as St. Thomas restored the traditions of old, welcoming with open arms the warriors of old known to the Nation.
But there was a reminder from St. Thomas that no remedies would be quick in coming, and that time shall pass before the great Husker armies are strong and feared once again throughout the land of the Alliance of 12.
Even so, once again hope is strong among the faithful of the Husker Nation, and some day in the future the Tunics of Black shall once again be worn by the fierce defenders of the field.
(This half was completed by js17 in January 2009)
And it was so, that St. Thomas appointed a new General of the Husker Armies, a leader of a powerful legion to the south, that boasted the greatest army in the Land, vanquishers of the Useless Nuts of Ohio.
And there was great joy in the Land of Lincoln, where the fans rose to greet the General and his New Army, in numbers greater than had ever been recorded in all the history of the Nation. Though the soldiers were young, they began to once more fight as the fans remembered, and hope was restored.
And the reinstated General Pelini, though once unjustly removed from command, returned with even more fire and passion to lead than when he left, and his time in the camps of the Hated Sooners and the Southern Tigers had increased his knowledge of war, and his ability to draw better soldiers to the side of the Husker Armies.
And so the Armies of Husker Nation begin the new Wars of 2009 with five consecutive battles in defense of their Stronghold of Memorium, a field of battle that was once feared impregnible by all outsiders, but became like that of swiss cheese under the regime of the misguided general Callahan. Legend says that he now leads a weak army in the north, known to some as the Jets of York, where an un-dead field general commands...
And so it was in the Land of Lincoln that a great clamor arose concerning the General Pelini and his subordinates and how they would fare in the formidable Alliance of Twelve. Pelini showed no fear but laid out grand strategies full of complexity and deception that were decimated by the stronger armies of the Alliance, and the Husker armies resembled those of 2 years past.
So the strategies were made simple, and returned were the Tunics of Black. And the warriors of Lincoln did prevail on old foes in the Alliance, and the restoring of the Old Order began. None of the battles contained sweeter glory than robbing the detested Bovines from Denver of the chance to fight on in the glorified Week of Bowls.
Such was the skill of the Husker Armies that they were invited to compete in battle on a national stage during that famed Week, against an orange and purple hoard who boasted of their speed, and did not fear the Wearers of the Tunics of Black, claiming their defenders were superior.
And a great battle was fought unlike any during the year. Many were the casualties, but strong were the Husker Armies, who prevailed by the play of their Defenders, once ridiculed and cast down for their actions in old battles. And it was by this that General Pelini ended the first year of his reign.
Hope you guys enjoyed that. I'll be writing another to tell the tale of the '09 season as soon as the bowl game is over.