Mark Mangino's Nebraska Strategy: Hold On Every Play (Good vs Evil Edition)

by Cobby on Nov 13, 2009 9:23 AM CST in Cobby - Humor

Late last night in Lawrence, Kansas, a large man is wracking his brain for answers.....

So.... how you going to handle them?

Who?

Don't pretend. I know what you're thinking.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Fine, we'll play it your way. Ndamukong Suh and Jared Crick, Nebraska's defensive tackles. 14 sacks, 23 tackles for loss between them. Best set of interior linemen in the nation. What are you going to do about them?

We'll move Reesing around, double-team Suh when we can, keep in a blocker, run some screens and draws. We can deal with it.

Have you seen what these guys have done? Blaine Gabbert hasn't been the same since Suh squashed his ankle, that Sheffield kid from Tech is missing games because of a foot injury, and last week Oklahoma lost two players for the season, including their best blocker Brody Eldridge. How are you going to handle them?

Hell, I don't know. Got any suggestions?

Hold them on every play.

We can't get away with that.

Sure you can. Why not?

The penalties will kill us.

Ha!!!! Big 12 refs have barely called holding on these guys all year, why would they start now?

But....

Plus, you have a good reputation for penalties. If they start calling it too much, you remind them how swell your guys are.... and how nasty Pelini can be.....

What's going on here...?

Nothing.
Nothing.

I can read his mind too, you know. This sounds a little.....

A little....?

..... a little like cheating.

Cheating? It's only holding if they call it. Everybody holds. Right coach?

...

Besides that..... he's protecting the health of his players.

That's a rationalization. People do that all the time.... do something they know is wrong, but rationalize it away. You really wouldn't do that would you, Coach Mangino?

pssst... you ever notice how angels kind of look like pastry?

Yeah..... pastry...... (inhales sharply, angel disappears)