Exposed! - Mike Leach Intends to Use Two Quarterbacks, One As "Suh Bait"

by Cobby on Oct 16, 2009 5:21 PM CDT in Cobby - Humor Comment 5 comments

Using Corn Nation's vast and elaborate network of spies, we have obtained information about a new offensive information that the diabolical (quirky) offensive genius Mike Leach (code name "Captain Weiner") intends to unveil against Nebraska.

The formation is specifically designed to counter the ferocious, unstoppable, force otherwise known as Ndamukong Suh (code name "House of Spears").

The formation, known as "Suh-Bait" will feature two quarterbacks lined up in shotgun formation. At the start of the play, QB2 will receive the snap and move away from the line of scrimmage in an erratic, flailing manner specifically designed to attract defensive linemen who like to break quarterbacks in half, (severing their spine, rendering them incapable of passing, running, or eating with their hands).

QB1 will move away from QB2, making sure to be behind him, then stay motionless so as not to attract attention. When QB2 reaches the "squash point", he will turn and throw the ball back to QB1 who will then calmly throw it downfield to an open receiver, resulting in big yardage and much happiness for the Red Raiders, who will respond by will respond by jumping up and down repeatedly while yelling "YARRRR, Touchdown, YARRR!"

Should QB2 be injured or killed by House of Spears during the play, Captain Weiner has established the following line of succession, indicating that the play will not be run more than five times, as that's the maximum amount of collateral damage that will be tolerated.

Here's the line of succession:

- Taylor Potts

- Marlon "twitter bitch" Williams

- Some redshirt freshman who pisses me off during the game

- That dork who rides the horse at home games

- A girl scout with big hands

A simulation of said play has been put together by our extremely adept tech crew to give fans a better idea of what Leach has in store. Blood, gore and extreme violence have been removed to protect the children.

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Comments

Hmmmmm Better forward this to the pirate ship

LOL Better make that horse rider a dorkette. I hear she’s a might touchy about gender confusion.

At least she isn’t the one who rode the horse into the wall where he broke his neck and died right there on the field a few years back. Bummer.

by TechFirst on Oct 16, 2009 5:36 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Say wha?

Was that dope a plant from Austin or College Station?

by Wolvie on Oct 16, 2009 6:13 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Homegrown, I hate to say

The guys from Austin never graduated from cows and those from College Station….well, I’d better not get into the whole sheep thing.

The Masked Rider has had a few mishaps over the years. In ’82, an SMU pom-pom girl ran into the path of the charging horse and got clocked pretty good, as in a week in the hospital. The lawsuit drug on for years. Then in ’92, the horse ran down a referee, but he came back in to finish the game ……. once he regained consciousness.

For decades, the horse used to run down one sideline, make a full-speed turn behind the end zone, then back down the other sideline – after every score. In ‘94, a rider was making the turn in her first game with a new ’Masked Rider’ saddle. Some say her saddle slipped, but in any event she fell off the horse in the turn. Spooked by this, the horse bolted into the wall and broke its neck.

Now they just ride down the field to lead the team out. Come to think about it, I guess corn is safer than a big, high-spirited stallion.

by TechFirst on Oct 17, 2009 12:02 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs