Let's Off The Bud Light Dude Man (before it really happens)

They were cute the first time, the Dude Man in the Bud Light commercials. We've seen him respond to cutting in line, his buddy ordering wine at the bar, stealing Joe Buck's beer, and listening to his friend have sex in Vegas. Oh, the laughs we've had together.

Smash the glass on the bar and drive the stem square into his forehead. Please.

There are tons of everyday things left for dude man to explore, like watching his buddy change a poopy diaper while saying "dude", being chased by a duck at the park while screaming "dude", smashing his thumb with a hammer while saying 'dude', saying 'dude' to his buddy who's watching Oprah, walking in on his parents while they're having sex and saying 'dude', having a big truck drive by and splashing him with water while saying 'dude', watching the space shuttle launch while saying 'dude', meeting Heidi Klum and saying 'dude', hosting the Oscars and saying 'dude', being sent back in time during the riot at Kent State dressed as a hippie and saying 'dude' to the policeman who's about to break his head.

You know you're going to see some of these because it's in the DNA of marketing people everywhere to come up with a campaign then drumbeat it until they suck the life out of it like Hillary Clinton is sucking the life out of the Democrats. It needs to end. We have another big sporting weekend coming up and I know that there'll come a Dude Man commercial revolving around his newly married buddy, soccer moms and minivans. And of course the word "dude".

We could end this with the proper campaign. Join me in the effort to get Dude Man offed. Here are some of my recommendations for how to end Dude man before we are exposed to more inanity during the Final Four next week (add your own in the comments section):

  • Goes to a NASCAR event and gets hit by a flying tire that's doing about 160 mph and says "dude" to the camera right before it hits him. (Redneck ending)
  • Goes around picking up beers when the bar is closing, chokes to death while saying "dude" after drinking a Miller Lite with a cigarette butt in it. ('meaning of irony' ending)
  • Tiger Woods hits a golf shot that ricochets off a tree, hitting dudeman in forehead. Tiger Woods stands over him saying ‘dude’ while blood squirts in massive thrusts out of his head. (endorsement-related ending)
  • Cops in the apartment talking to a very large scantily clad woman, cops walks over to dead Dude Man lying on couch, looks down at him, shakes his head and says "dude". (sex-related ending)
  • Changing a tire on the side of the road as a semi passes, right before the big blast of wind hits he says 'dude' and a dead armadillo strikes him in the face tearing his head clean off his body. (Billy Bob Thornton ending)
  • Killed by a goalie mask-wearing man with a chain saw screaming 'Dude" after picking him up on the side of the road. (I play the executioner ending)

And my personal favorite:

  • Gets on a big bus with a sign that says "Anheuser Busch Marketing". You'd don't have to guess to hard as to where that bus is going while they're all screaming 'dude'. (It's a damned good start ending)
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