Corn Nation Offers Tips On Avoiding Stupidity (or how to not get arrested for failure to disperse)

No doubt you've heard the tale of Carl, Maurice, Ben, Nick, and Mike who got tickets for such things as "maintaining a disorderly house" and "being an inmate of a disorderly house", and minor in possession and one of my personal favorites, "failure to disperse".

Bo Pelini is in charge of discipline, Tom Osborne covers morality. As a Husker fan and concerned alum, the least I can do is offer some practical tips to anyone attending college who might be in a situation where they need to avoid stupidity. There are people who'd recommend you live like a hermit, but that's not saying much for the college experience, is it?

Get Arrested, Get a Free T-Shirt.

My roommates and I threw parties throughout college. Many were too popular. 300 people would show up and 'cause general mayhem. The house would be filled wall to wall, the music would be loud, and the windows would be open to keep people from suffocating. Ultimately the police would show up. After all, it is their job.

I normally dealt with them. By the second year the Lincoln police officers that showed up to our parties knew who I was. They were always cordial, largely because I understood the rules of what they were doing and didn't screw with them while they were doing it. I'd meet them at the door or better yet, outside, and our conversations typically went something like this:

Me: "We're too loud, aren't we?"

Policeman: "Yeah, Jon, you know how it goes. Get everyone inside and turn down the stereo."

Me: "Okay."

Policeman: "If we come back later, everyone has to leave and if they don't, you'll get a ticket."

Me: "Can you come back around two (am)? If the sunsabitches aren't gone by then they need to leave anyway."

And a couple times they did.

There were some slight variations. One time we had to shut things down on the first complaint because it was 11:30 pm, we'd already gone through twelve kegs, and there was another party right down the block from us. The police wanted everyone gone, doors closed and music down. We complied and had no problems.

I could tell you some more, but you get the point. Do what they tell you to do and you probably won't have any problems. If you or anyone else give the police any crap your chances of being charged with something go up astronomically. It's particularly important that you keep anyone who's taken a political science course in the basement, otherwise they'll start reciting the Bill of Rights and constitutional amendments to people who work in the industry which really really annoys them.

There were a couple instances in which I nearly got arrested by pushing the police officer's limits. Stupidity is infectious, sometimes hitting so quickly you aren't aware of it until you're already in cuffs. The key is to recognize it and avoid the affects before that happens.

Here's an example of how I was hit by stupidity as one of my friends was getting arrested for something stupid (Note that the police don't owe you an explanation for what they're doing):

Policeman: "You need to leave."

Me: "You're taking him to jail?"

Policeman: "You need to leave."

Me: "What are you arresting him for?"

Policeman: "You ask one more question and you're going to jail with him."

Me: "What For?"

Stupidity alarms went off in my head just in time. In this particular case I took off running into the night and the officer was content to let me go, proving that sometimes you can avoid stupidity by running away from it.

As for our friends Carl, Nick, Maurice, and Mike, stupidity is going to cost them more than a ticket. Whether it be a draft position for Carl and Maurice or a scholarship for Ben, Nick and Mike remains to be seen. Unfortunately, Maurice Purify was doubly stupid by getting caught doing something stupid while being on probation for something else stupid. Ouch.

I hope that you can use these tips to avoid being arrested or ticketed in the future. College is a place where you can get away with a lot,but not if you're a Division I football player. Whether fair or not, every stupid thing you do will end up on the news.

In conclusion:

  • 'Inmate of a Disorderly House' is a great name for an intramural team.
  • The best way to avoid being caught is to not do stupid things.
  • If you're doing something stupid, comply with authority. It increases your chances of getting out of it.
  • If your friends are being arrested, don't join them. Get away from the scene as quickly as possible.
  • If you're already in trouble for something stupid, complete your punishment before engaging in more stupidity.
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